I love the pictures, send more. You and Steve look stupidly happy. Nice hair. Is he trying to grow a beard? Finally graduated from eleventh grade. I thought Mrs. Corno was going to fail me. Whew! Just made it!

Jeff and Sue are thinking about moving down to Austin together and finishing school there. Their folks won’t hear of it--can’t blame them. I’m looking forward to visiting you in December. Is there anything you’d like me to bring? Food? Clean clothes? Ha ha ha.

Will is trying to start a band. You remember Will? My freaky twin brother? He’s got this new fifties haircut and wants to call the band "The Artful Codgers"--like that kid in Oliver Twist. The "Codger" part is from Codge... that guy Mom doesn’t want us to grow up to be like. I told you about that. I was fixing my hair and Mom came by and said, "You just can’t leave it alone.... you’re just like Codge." If I didn’t clean my room, "Just like Codge." Or if I failed a class, "I don’t want you to wind up like Codge." Who is this Codge guy? She never says anything more than, "Some guy I knew." Ugh! You must have known him pretty well, MOM! Jeeze! She’s a total space case.

Anyway, let me know how you are. God! December is so far away. How’s Pest? Send me pictures, I want to know if he’s turned red yet.

Yvette

Jodi, 

Well, things haven’t changed much here. I have a job now. *BEAM* I thought you’d be proud. I really like it, too.... so, I guess it doesn’t count like a real job. It’s a used bookstore. Sometimes it’s really cool... other times.... It’s really sad when you see people come in who are selling their books in order to buy food. I don’t think I’ve ever sold one of my books. I hope I never have to.

Glad to hear about Steve’s new job. Maybe you guys can make the special trip out here and we can have a ‘New Job’ party. Yeah right. From what I understand, things are pretty tight everywhere.

Jeff and Sue ran off to Michigan and eloped. Michigan--go fig. I always thought they were going to go down to Austin and do the slacker thing. That’s what Will wants to do. His band is doing okay. They’ll wake me up every so often banging it out in the garage. I’m just getting sick of listening to it all the time. It’d be nice if they actually make it and wind up on the radio. I could turn them off. Maybe then the drum player and his stinky girlfriend would stop drinking all my sodas from the fridge.

Okay. That’s about it. GET YOUR PHONE TURNED ON. I want to run up a huge phone bill now that I have a job. It will make me feel grown-up.

-Yvette

PS. The film festival was fantastic. You owe me pictures. I want to see how Pest is doing.

Jodi,

Awwwww......Pest is so cute now. He’s going to look great when he finishes growing up. Was he hard to house train? I have to know. What did the leasing company say when you told them you had a fox cub, or is that an ‘undeclared pet’? Isn’t that illegal out there?

Steve’s beard looks great.... now that it’s grown out. You need to get your phone connected so I can call you. This writing shit can only go so far.

Oh yeah, Will’s band broke up. He got in a fight with his bass player about God and the drum player got married. Ha ha. Now I don’t have to listen to "The Artful Codgers" cranking it out anymore. Thank God.

-Yvette

Jodi,

Sorry it’s taken so long for me to write. A lot of heavy shit just hit home and everything’s been pretty cooky.

I think I’ve told you about Codge, right? You remember when Will was caught skipping school? And Mom laid into him about how she didn’t want him to turn out like Codge... Of course you remember. Will and I were always being threatened with "turning out like Codge".

Well, anyway.... about, uh, two weeks ago Mom got a postcard and fell to her knees right in the middle of the  kitchen floor and burst into tears. I thought someone had died or something. That night she and Dad get into this huge  fight--and they NEVER fight. She was begging and everything and saying stuff like, "Just one dinner" and "They have the right to know". Dad’s just shouting and yelling, "I don’t want him in my house," and "I don’t want my children laying eyes on that brat." Will and I couldn’t get any sleep at all that night because we’re thinking about what we have "a right to know".

Yeah, so.... It turns out that Codge is going to have dinner with the family. Write back, huh?

-Yvette

PS: I almost forgot. Mom pulled a box out of the attic. All wrapped up with duct tape and it looked kinda like a little coffin. There was some stuff she pulled out but I managed to get a hold of the rest. Love letters. I can see why Mom didn’t want us to turn out like Codge; the guy’s practically illiterate.

Jodi,

My life is so extraordinarily FUCKED right now it’s not even funny. I think I’m still in shock. Okay, the big day--dinner with Codge. Shit....

First of all, Will said he wasn’t even going to stick around. He and Dad got in a shouting match and when Will drove off with his buddies, Dad was yelling, "Just as well! Why have two brats at a table not big enough for one?!" But Dad and Will never got along. It’s not like a generation gap thing or anything. Maybe... hell... Dad knew all along. I bet that every time he looked at Will it hurt like hell. I can forgive him. At least I look like Mom’s old pictures.

So anyway, the night of the BIG DINNER arrives and Will takes off. Codge shows up around seven or so and Mom has to pay for the taxi. She sent me out with the money and this guy’s like, "Cynthia, you haven’t changed a bit." I had to explain that Cynthia was my mom. "Oh, uh," and he’s stammering and smoking the whole time, "Uh, well.... you look a lot like your mother when I knew her. Younger, of course. You weigh more than she did at the time...." So I’m pissed at him right away because he said something about my weight.

Mom had already made the table for five and Dad was sitting when Codge gets into the house. He asked Dad, "So, August, how are you?" And Dad cut right in with, "I’ve got a house, a car, a business, and a wife and kids." Codge was playing architect with his ash by then and looking vainly for an ashtray. Mom brought him a soda can and Dad started laughing. It was really creepy and I don’t know what the joke was about the can. Mom and Dad thought it was funny but Codge looked really pissed off about it...like it was something he didn’t want to remember.

So, uh.... Dinner. Ugh. Dinner was a "somber affair". Mom was talking just to fill the space while Dad shot her glances across the table. She put food on Codge’s plate. Dad moved things away from him….. My father must have pitied Codge more than hated him.

But anyway, Mom’s serving dinner and stuff when Will decides he wants to come home and meet this Codge guy. It wasn’t until I saw them standing next to each other... shit. How do I say this? Will sits down and... Mom goes into the other room and gets these papers and puts them in front of me and Will. One’s a birth certificate and the other’s stuff like adoption forms where Dad? adopted us. Birth certificate says "father unknown". I mean....he’s not my dad. Mom was a single mother and married Dad and he adopted us. I mean, he’s our dad legally and all that, but not biologically. He raised us and everything, but.... The whole thing’s so screwed up. I look like Mom, sure, but poor Will. He looks like his fucking dad and Dad’s.....hell.

So, this Codge guy says, "What’s this? What is this shit?" and Mom’s starting to cry but trying to hide it. Sorry. I can’t keep my tenses right. I know that bugs you. It all happened two days ago but when I’m writing I can see it all happening all over again.

Codge asked, "Cynthia, what is this?" and Mom said somewhat stiffly, "I did it to protect you and them." By ‘them’ she meant Will and me. 

Will started shouting, "To protect us? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"Mom was crying then, but trying to keep a good tone of voice. "Well, if something happened to me," she said. "I knew you wouldn’t wind up in his hands. At least my parents would be able to take care of you without any legal interference." 

Codge was really angry and was gripping the end of the table. He was staring at us and asked, "How was this supposed to protect anybody?"

Mom said something like, "So no-one could chase you down."

By now Will and Codge were standing and shouting. Codge asked Mom why she never told him. She said it was so she wouldn’t ask him for help. After all, she had decided to go through with the pregnancy. She never asked him and couldn’t get a hold of him anyway. 

Will was practically screaming. "Why didn’t you tell me? What kind of a family is this supposed to be?" Mom was really cool about it. "I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to turn him into some sort of hero. He wasn’t going to be your ‘real daddy’ who would whisk you away from your life. I wanted to have him here so you could see for yourselves what he was."

I think I was in shock the whole time. I just sat there, taking it all in.

Finally, Codge says, "I don’t have to sit here and be a scapegoat for your fucking kids." And that’s when Will decks the guy. Dad’s up in a flash to hold Will back and Mom’s moving in to make sure Codge doesn’t do anything. Only, he didn’t do anything. He just stared at us and rubbed his jaw. His eyes were tearing up but he was laughing to. I guess that was good. He got up and walked out to the patio. 

The family just sat there. Mom picked up the stuff that had been knocked to the floor when Will jumped the table. Later Mom went out to talk to Codge while Dad talked to us. None of it sank in. Most of my life has been a lie. He had raised us, he had been our father, but he wasn’t our dad at all. 

Mom came back in and asked us if we wanted to talk to Codge. Will got up and walked right out the front door. We haven’t seen him since and I’m worried as shit. He’s probably crashed out at a friend’s house, but none of his stuff is gone, so I guess he still lives here. Hell, he’s my twin. He’s fine. I’d know, right?

Anyway, ugh..... my hand’s cramping up. I talked to Codge. He’s my father, right? I talked to the guy. He was just sitting on the porch, smoking away. He looked so crushed. It must be tough to find out you’ve had a couple of kids stashed away somewhere. And then to find out you weren’t told ‘to protect the children’. He didn’t say much. I tried asking him questions about him and Mom, but he stayed pretty quiet. He just kept staring at me. It was so creepy. This was two days ago and I don’t think it’s really hit home yet. The whole thing gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I don’t want to write anymore. I want to know what you think. Please write...

-Yvette

PS: Jeff and Sue send their love. Everyone misses you. Me most.

Jodi,

You are so right. But you also have to think about the situation at the time. After having met the guy, I can’t blame her.

Will came back (finally) and had a huge talk with Mom. He’s getting on a bus this weekend to go visit Codge. I guess he’s got more to figure out than I do. I’ve talked to the man enough to know he’s a complete idiot. I’m actually glad Mom did what she did. Dad, well, my LEGAL dad, is seven times cooler than this Codge freak.

I’m not in shock as much now--things have settled down. Will being gone had me pretty spooked. I worry maybe he’s trying to find some sort of role model in this guy. But when I talked to him..... 

Codge is a looser in the purest sense of the word. He’s been in jail, has bad credit, bad rent history, can’t keep a job, looks like hell, spends all of his time crashed out on couches and stoned. I can’t believe Mom’s going to let Will spend any time with him.

When I think about it.... I hate him. I mean, he got Mom pregnant and then ran out on her. I don’t know why she bothered tracking him down--his name wasn’t on the birth certificates. Why would she want to protect him? He’s just one of those people who goes from personal crisis to personal crisis and it’s always his own fault. Reading the old love letters he and Mom wrote to each other.... jeeze. I swear I’ll never be that screwed up when I start dating. You and Steve aren’t like that, are you? 

I want to visit you. I want to get out of this house. Maybe you can come up here. 

I miss you.

-Yvette

Jodi,

I never thought I’d have to write these things down. I never thought anything like this could ever happen. The whole this is so unreal I don’t know where to start.

I don’t know if you’ve been watching the news or anything. I don’t even know if you have a TV. I’m sure the story hit the papers....maybe the radio. I don’t know.

Mom never should have let Will visit Codge. I don’t know what she was thinking. Now.... everything is so incredibly fucked. This is my senior year! Isn’t that enough stress? Did I have to go through this too? What gods did I piss off? Why is this happening? I mean, this is just.....

What was it… two months ago when we got the post-card? That wasn’t that long ago. I guess it doesn’t take much time for things to go to shit. That’s what’s happened. Everything got turned upside down and my dad isn’t my dad because my real dad is the boogey-man and my stupid twin went and....

God….. 

Okay, I’m back. Sorry. This is the third time I’ve tried to write this letter. I keep wadding the paper up and smearing the ink. Not this time. I have to do it right at least once. I want you to get a gad-damned phone! How hard can that be? You guys are eating, right? A PHONE! So I can call you instead of going through this writing shit! I’m sick of this! At least you write back but GET A GOD-DAMNED PHONE!

Jeeze! 

Okay, I’m a little crazy right now. All of a sudden I lost my dad, gained a dad, lost my real dad and lost my brother.... my STUPID FUCKING TWIN BROTHER! WHY? I don’t understand why he did it.! What was he thinking? Oh, of course, he wasn’t. He’s just like his fucking dad. Unable to think past three minutes from now. It makes me sick! What was he trying to prove? I mean, what good would it do? Why not just forget about Codge and let it be at that? Now he’s going to have that stuck on him for the rest of his life! We didn’t even have the guy’s name on our birth certificates. I shouldn’t have mattered. It wasn’t like the bastard wanted to visit us. He wouldn’t say a god-damned thing to me. Was he trying to prove something to Mom? Was killing Codge going to change the past somehow? Will just couldn’t let it rest, could he? I understand he looked like Codge, well tough! It’s no big deal! Just get over it and get on with your life and try to forget about the fucker who walked out on Mom when she was pregnant with us! We have a dad! We have someone who really does love us and really loves Mom and wanted us to have happy normal lives and loved us enough to adopt us! He was there! He was our dad! Not some crashed out freak who can’t get his shit together! Who taught us how to ride our bikes? Who helped us build our secret club tree house? Who dug the grave when Grinnie died and even shed a tear for the stupid mutt? Who raised us and cared for us and explained things to you about girls and stuff and skipped stones with us and everything? Jesus Christ! He was our father in every sense! He was there for us and Mom while Codge spent his time hopping from scam to scam and bed to bed. Is that what Will wanted to turn out like? Everything that bastard Codge touched turned to shit! Even the god-damned band! Just bearing his name screwed up the stupid band! I miss the band. I miss listening to the awful music played at obscene hours. I miss all the crap we used to do. I miss my old room that I shared with my freaky twin brother. I miss hiding in the tree house while the neighborhood kids hunted us. I miss dropping things on the neighborhood kids from the tree house. Things were so much simpler.

I’m sorry, Jodi. I didn’t mean to go off like that. I have a lot of things I’m trying to figure out now. School’s starting up soon. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with it. I don’t want to answer any more questions. I’m tired of it.

Send more pictures of Pest. I told a friend here that I knew someone with a pet fox and I lost the old pictures during the hoop-la. Send my love to Steve and the others. Jeff and Sue are back. The baby’s due sometime in October. Write. Please, god...write.

I miss you horribly.

-Yvette